Why one mom chooses not to give in to a toddler tantrum in a world of parent shaming.

Toddler Tantrum’s, Why I Will Not Give In

“Just wait until he turns two, that is when the tantrums really start. Terrible twos are no joke.”




How many times do we hear about the terrible twos as our toddler’s attitude begins to take form? What they do not talk about, is how much worse three is. They do not tell you that the temper tantrum express is coming to a station near you shortly after blowing out their third birthday candles. Nope, they let you find out that one yourself.

You see, once a child hits three, they have all of these new feelings and words. Problem is, the feelings they have and their ever growing vocabulary do not always agree. The final result is a crazy big meltdown in the middle of the store because we are mad and upset, but are not finding the words or means to express ourselves in a productive way. Instead, we scream, hit, kick, bite, throw things and make you look like the worst parent in the world while you stand their and watch because screaming back at them or spanking them is frowned upon. Yep, mega tantrum, that sounds about right!

This is EXACTLY the picture that my sweet, amazing, wonderful hellion of a three year old painted today.




The Tantrum

Picture it if you will. 8:43 a.m. on a quiet Monday morning. Dollar General is quiet, and empty outside of the two store employees and a couple local shoppers. Well, local shoppers, my sleeping infant, myself and my extremely moody toddler.

We come around a corner and my son spots the hot wheels. Immediately he starts demanding, which progresses to screaming,that he “want’s that race car”. I am busy looking at an outfit for the baby that has caught my eye (DG actually has some really cute baby clothes), and I proceed to inform him that he is going to politely ask if he wants to see something. After repeating myself numerous times, my three year old spouts in his grumpy voice “Puhleease can I get a race car.” I inform him we will pick one out as soon as I find the outfit I am looking for, and therein begins the meltdown.

“NO! I WANT RACE CAR NOW!!!”

Oh goodness, here we go.




I proceed to attempt to calmly explain that he will have to wait until I have finished looking, when he rips the outfit out of my hands. “Do you like that outfit for baby Ellie, Brendan?” I ask. “NO! YOU PUT IT BACK.” he screams as he keeps trying to hang it back up as I keep trying to put it into the cart.

This is when I realize my sweet boy has turned full on monster. There is no turning back now.

As the fight continues I explain to my screaming child that he is no longer getting a race car. Of course, this makes the meltdown worse, but I am determined not to reward bad behavior. At this point I have been kicked, yelled at, told what I am and am not going to do, and screamed at with a voice that nears the closest thing to a demonic possession that I have ever heard.

If people were not already staring, they were now.




My three year old chucks the Downy Unstoppables that I picked up, out of the cart and an aisle over. As I am attempting to locate the location where they landed, he begins screaming “Ow, Ow, Ow.”. I stand back up to find him straining against the seat belt of the cart that he has already climbed most of the way out of. I unbuckle the seatbelt and remove him from the cart for him to collapse onto the floor in another dramatic screaming fit. As I check on his sister, who is still soundly sleeping through all of this somehow, he takes off running across the store to retrieve his race car.

Now, it is on.

Again, I explain to my child he is NOT going to get that car.

Again with the screaming, now coupled with sobbing and hyperventilating as slobber and snot drip down his face. Yeah, it’s gross. As I finally get the car from him and place it back on the rack, I make my turn to leave the store. The screaming begins again. Somehow we make it to the van and I manage to buckle my child between bouts of him screaming about the car, and me threatening to leave him.

Ahh….this is my life.




Throughout this entire tantrum, I could have made it stop. I could have spent the $1.05, and saved myself the embarrassment, but at what cost to him? Plenty of mom’s now-a-days make the decision to just leave their defiant child at home because it is easier. In my eyes, while it sucked this trip and we made a scene, today my son learned something.

My son learned that mommy is stronger than a scream. He realized that I will follow through on my word, even when he is mad and screaming and possibly possessed. He figured out that in order to get a toy in public, he must listen better than he did today. And with all of this learning, perhaps he will make better choices during his next trip to town.

Daily Boutique Deals

Not only did he learn, but so did I. I figured out that while it may suck and is embarrassing, it doesn’t hurt me or my son for him to act like a butt in public when he does not get his way. I now know that while they may stare, most people probably understand what I am going through. Thus while they may be thinking rude and mean thoughts, I at least didn’t hear the comments. I also found that while I may feel like he is never going to get it, he is learning, and that these tantrums are a sign that we are learning together.

So no, I will not buy him the car.

Want to learn more about my adventures with Brendan? Check out my post on 12 things I say to my Toddler in a Day!

How do you handle your toddler’s tantrums in public? Any tips or tricks? I would love to hear them!




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10 Comments

  1. Bravo for not caving. I see so many parents give in at stores just to make their kids happy and end the tantrum.
    Personally, I couldn’t have done what you did. I wouldn’t have given in and let my child have the toy, but I have a different parenting style. My daughter is almost 2 and already beginning to develop her own little attitude. It really started about a month ago after we moved to a new town. I thought it was just the change at first, but the attitude continues. Everyone says it’s the “Terrible Twos” already.
    If she did this in the store, the moment she yelled that she wanted the race car, I would have slapped her little cheek. That would have ended my daughters outburst at the stage she’s at now, but who knows what things will be like in a year. Like I said, a little different and really not something I see many parents do anymore (at least not in public), but to each their own.
    Although our tactics very, I say kudos to you for teaching your son that difficult lesson.

  2. Oh…My…Goodness!!! My 6-year old had a major meltdown today….in Dollar General!! I was trying my best to ignore him because I know yelling at him will just make the situation worse. Fortunately the cashier (a young kid), and the gentleman behind us both had a sense of humor.

    1. Amazing isn’t it? Glad they were accepting of the situation! Unfortunately, Brendan and I just annoyed the store…lovely right? Thanks for reading!

  3. As a teacher, I see this a lot! Parents give in to their children because they are AFRAID of a tantrum. Then they come to school and have behavior. Not fun. Much better to be strict and let them know they can’t get everything they want!

    1. Oh Brittany, I bet you see this all the time. I do not know that I could do your job. If I think it is bad with one, I could not imagine a classroom with several! Thanks for reading!

  4. Do I even dare to say that I don’t recognize this behaviour… My son has never ever screamed like that. Perhaps when he’s been tired but then there’s a reason for it.

  5. The threes were so much worse! Good for you in not caving!! So important for our children to know they cannot win with tantrums

  6. I was just smiling away while I read the post, all the time thinking…. been through that with 3 kids. My son was rolling on the ground and that too on the street in India… his clothes all dirty and yuck, by hubby refused to give in. We started taking baby steps away from him and suddenly the crying stopped as he thought we’ll leave him. The tantrums began again at home when he saw his granny. Let your imagination run as to what happened after that!

  7. Hi there Crazy SAHM! Love this post . . . . and having been a mama for a VERY long time, I am impressed with your ability to see how important it is to teach you little guy a bit of self-control. It is so difficult not to give in – I still have a hard time saying “no” to my two teenage daughters. But as moms we need to teach our children life skills that will enable them to be happy, content adults. Good job! Stopping by from the #HomeMattersParty and would like to invite you to visit me at my blog, Vintage Mama’s Cottage. Have a great weekend, Nina @ Vintage Mama’s Cottage

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