Who said mowing your yard doesn't have to be fun? Or at least fun for one time before you do not have to do it anymore. Click here to find out how I got out of it!

How to get out of mowing your yard once and for all

“A woman’s place is in the kitchen.” Yeah, how many times have you heard that one before? Unfortunately, that is probably where I should have stayed tonight. Instead, I found myself out on my husbands new zero turn mower, mowing.




At the beginning of the summer, my husband landed an AWESOME deal on a new toy for himself. A zero turn mower. You know, the kind that turns on a dime and is super cool looking. The ones that you can use to mow the whole yard in like, 20 minutes. Most importantly, it is one that starts when you turn the key, a luxury that we have not always had at my house.

So tonight, I found myself looking at this super cool mower, just minutes after my husband left for work. My babies were all asleep, and I saw this as a golden opportunity. An opportunity to help my husband with the yard work, but more importantly, an opportunity to play with this shiny new toy.

An opportunity I probably should have ran away from.

You see, while I try really hard to be helpful with things, the new, shiny, lawnmower just got the best of me. So for your pleasure, my “tips” to keep from having to mow your own lawn ever again. (Or my tips for being allowed to.)

Drop it, Drop it Low Girl

The lower the deck setting on your mower, the shorter your grass gets cut. So the lower the deck when you mow your grass, the longer you can go between cutting it right?

Wrong.

The lower the deck setting you use on your mower, the greater the chance of you having beautiful patches of dirt growing all over your yard! I learned tonight, that I can create approximately 13 new dirt patches in less than 45 minutes when I drop the deck to the lowest cutting setting on my mower. My husband is so thrilled with my new landscaping plan. When it rains, I shall call it “puddles of mud.”

See, you can make art anywhere!




Drive it Like you Stole it

The capability of my mower to turn on a dime as a zero turn can only mean one thing.

Donuts.

Not the kind you eat either. The kind where you spin that puppy in circles as fast as it will go. It also means you can take corners going really fast. This creates a nice “rut” pattern in the corners of your yard, giving it a nice, rough finish. Makes short work of creating that dirt bike track your husband has been talking about. He totally wanted it in the front yard, right?

Make it a Multi Purpose Tool

Mowing grass, mulching sticks, moving rocks, this beast can do it all!

I found that the new mower can not only make the grass look wonderful, but it does tricks too! If you get the mower too close to the driveway, it will throw rocks all over your yard in decoration. Also, if you run over big sticks (my husband would refer to them as small logs, but I digress) then it will mulch them for you! And it does all of this with minimal groaning and screeching!

Don’t you love when one tool can do it all?

Enter the Danger Zone

So, I cannot mow the yard when the kids are awake. This leaves me with one option.

Put the babies to bed, grab the baby monitor, and mow as fast as you can before it becomes too dark.

Best thing about mowing at dusk? You cannot see where you have mowed and where you haven’t. This means your yard becomes super uneven. Guess what though? You can totally blame it on the old blades on the mower and maybe, your husband will not know the difference.

Or you can chalk the uneven blades up to that artistic bit.

Speed, Nothing but Speed

I am a precision instrument of speed and aerodynamics.

Or….I am a full time mommy who is getting to use a mower that goes much faster than usual.




Either way, this mower goes fast. Really fast. With the fact that it goes so fast, I learned the hard way not to mow the yard as quickly as you can. You see, when you speed over the entire yard, apparently the mower does not cut well, and your husband says the yard looks like shit. Who knew?

Apparently, I will no longer pretend to be Lightening McQueen when I mow.

The Morning After

So I pulled it off. I finished mowing the yard and the mower still was functioning when I parked it. I totally rocked it right?

Well…

I am here to tell you that the yard was mowed. My husband was not thrilled with the job I had done, but he was thrilled it was done. Had this been any other man with a shiny new mower, I probably would not have been allowed back on it. My husband however, is kind, loving and incredibly willing to give me a second chance.

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We shall see where that chance lands me.

Do you have any awesome stories about getting to use your husbands new toys? Anything that you have destroyed lately, or is that just me? Comment below and let me know!

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5 Comments

  1. OMG this is hilarious! Can’t say I’ve done this to a toy of hubby’s (am now allergic to grass among other things), but I worked my way thru undergrad/part of grad school working on a maintenance crew for the local fairgrounds where I grew up. My dad was my boss, and at some point he decided I should take over the mowing, so I spent my week rotating from one field to another on large riding mowers. I somehow ALWAYS managed to (in his view) break the mowers/(in my view) find the things that were just about to break on the mowers anyway, and help them to their inevitable brokenness!

    1. My mom reminded me after she read this post that I managed to blow up a good number of their mowers growing up…I think I helped them to their early graves as well!

  2. My practice husband did nothing. Nothing. So I did it all, inside and out. My second husband is one of those wonderful men who do it all. And well. Perfectly, actually. So annoying. Over the years I’ve found myself forgetting how to do all the things I once could, because he takes care of it. (Although I’m still holding on to the cleaning. What’s wrong with me?) So while pregnant with our 4th child, I decided, like any hormonal maniac would, that I would show him I could do more than make babies. I turned the TV on for Things 1 and 2, put Thing 3 in for a nap, and headed outdoors. I got out the weedeater, and with some help from a neighbor, was reminded how to start it. I realized I had also forgotten how to use it, so I started swinging it back and forth like a crazy person, as I had seen the guy across the street do (I forgot for a moment his porch light didn’t shine the brightest). I kept knocking my arms into the contained, but large, Thing 4. We lost blades of grass that day. And plants. Too many plants. If you’re ever in Ohio and hear a man yelling, “Hey, lady, get off my lawn!” it’s my husband catching me outside with the kids and he thinks I may have glanced in the direction of the tool shed.

    1. So, Much, YES! I totally got my own weed eater this summer, and I am a BEAST with that thing! I have weed eated (because that is totally the proper term) everything in sight…it is amazing. I should not have been allowed to have a weed eater…but my husband love me. Like, a lot. :p

  3. Hahaha awesome all around. I got out of mowing lawn but doing a terrible job too but your terrible job beats my terrible job hands down. Two enthusiastic thumbs up.

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