12 Things I say to my Toddler in a Day (Sometimes in a Hour)

I love my toddler with all my heart. Really I do. He is smart, handsome, adventurous, kind.

He is also busy. Like crazy busy. When I decided to become a stay at home mom, I never dreamt my toddler would keep me this busy.

I dreamt of preschool activities. Reading books, doing flash cards, quiet learning time, with his newborn sister in the house, this would be perfect! While he has been learning quite a bit, some of the words that he has learned are probably not words he should ever repeat in public. And while I have my proud mommy moments that he can curse in the right context, I immediately have to follow my happy smirk with a lesson as to why we should not say the potty words that mommy says.

You win some, you lose some.

So for your enjoyment, here are of the things that I find myself saying to my toddler on any given day. Many times, you can find me saying these more than once! It is always a bout of entertainment at my house on any given day.

“B, please get your sister’s toy out of your pants”

Potty training has given us a newfound set of area’s to explore. How better to explore than to put your sister’s beads that she is playing with down the back of your underwear. Nothing like the scream’s of “B, get my beads out of your butt!”, first thing in the morning. Guess she shouldn’t have pissed the toddler off.

“B, where are your pants?”

Ah, it is a never ending cycle. The pants are always disappearing. We go to the potty and come back with no pants. Never fails.

Apparently, it is much more comfy to just not ever wear pants. Especially not if your Nana is going to show up. No, never then, because then Nana can question Mommy’s parenting as to why she allows her child to run around naked. Yes, perfect plan. Thank’s B.

“B, where are your underwear?”

Chances are, they are in my dryer. Chances are, they were soaked in pee from his recent accident. Chances are, I won’t know they are in there, and I will start the dryer back up because he stopped it when he opened it to throw his “soaked” underwear in to dry. Chances are, the whole downstairs of my house will be filled with the blissful aroma of 3 year old boy urine within 10 minutes of the dryer starting. Chances are, this will not be the first, (or heaven forbid, the freaking last) time this will happen.

“B, why do your have your underwear down in front of the TV?”

You know how you hear toddler boy mom’s tell you that their son’s have to constantly have their hands in their pants to “check to make sure it’s still there”? Yeah, not my kid. He has to pull his pants (IF he still has them on) and underwear down to his knees so he can watch it, and so he can give the rest of the room a clear view of his tiny little butt that apparently we all need to see. And when you ask him why his has his pants down in front of the TV…”but Mommy, I need to see my peepee now. I can’t just see it in the baproom”. Oh joy to the world.

“B, your sister does not want her pacifier when she is sleeping'”

The 6 week old is asleep. Peacefully, soundly asleep without a care in the world. No fussing, no crying, it is truly a miracle.

Insert B. Apparently this baby is so upset she needs a pacifier NOW. Cue the trying to quietly explain that sissy is fine without her paci. Cue the arguing that she can really live without it at this second. Cue the wrestling the toddler to the ground because he is so insistent that the quiet, sleeping newborn needs her pacifier.

And now the 3 year old is crying and screaming. And now the baby is awake. Well that 5 minutes of peace was great while it lasted.

“B, please stop petting your sister, she is not a dog.”

While I love that he is so infatuated with his younger sister, why do we always have to pet her? He even tells me that he is petting her because “she is so pretty mommy.”

Yes, it melts my hearts. Like every time.

So this one will continue to be said as I let it slid, again, because how do you argue with that logic?

“B, please, you do not fit in your sister’s infant carseat. You are to big!”

We have rocking chairs, recliners, a couch, bean bag chairs, blankets, and a pillow all drug into the living room to sit on and instead, B must sit in his sister’s INFANT car seat. Because obviously the smallest seat in the room that is intended only for travel is where we need to sit.

Not only this, but he must rock the infant car seat until he flips it. Then he must look at me because obviously I had so much to do with his most recent accident. Yes B, I flipped that car seat with my mind because you didn’t listen…again.

“B, you have brushed your teeth twice in the last 20 minutes, we do not need to do it again.”

Oral hygiene is great, do not get me wrong, but I honestly see no benefit to brushing your teeth 10 times in one hour. Apparently, B does however, and I am hoping that all of his attention to detail in his mouth will ensure that cavities will not ever be a problem with this kiddo.

However I do wish he would quit leaving his toothbrush and toothpaste under the dining room table, where he has been hiding to brush his teeth because I told him he could not do it again.

“B, dumping your poop out of your big boy underwear into the potty does not constitute pooping in the big boy potty. You do not get a prize for that.”

Ok. So we are at the point in potty training where peeing in the big boy potty is no big deal, but pooping…well that is another story. So now we have implemented a prize system. Every time B poops in the big boy potty, he gets to get a prize from the prize bag. Problem is, my toddler is smarter than I am…obviously.

Now he poops in his big boy underwear, dumps it in the potty, and comes running to tell me he pooped in the big boy potty and needs a prize. Mommy will NEVER see the flaws in that plan.

Yeah, fun stuff.

“B, you still have half of your banana sitting on this table. You do not need to go get an apple.”

If you ever have a boy, you will quickly learn that they are a bottomless pit. While I am excited for the fact that my bottomless pit will choose fruit over junk, I am not super excited about the fruit that is left to ferment into wine in different hiding places around my house, so that my toddler can go and get his next piece.

I am seriously contemplating attaching a Go Pro Camera to my son’s head so that I know EXACTLY where he hides everything.

“B, I do not want to watch Elsa again. Elsa is broken.”

B has favorite movie kicks. Only once the favorite movie is selected, we have to watch is 100 times, over and over, before we can move to the next. Last week it was Trolls (try getting those songs out of your head). This week, it is Frozen. Here I thought we would be over Elsa for a bit once my 8 year old grew out of it.

Well shit.

“B, the dirty dishes do not go in on top of the clean ones.”

Ah yes. The infinite amounts of help that my toddler provides include allowing you to restart the dishwasher as well. All because little Mr. Independent has to do it all by himself.

Step aside mommy, these clean dishes clearly need dirty ones on top to make them better. Yep, that seems right. Gahhhh!

Well, I hope you enjoyed these as much as I enjoyed the reflection time on my day to day life with my lovely 3 year old!. I am now going to go see why B is being so quiet, but please, feel free to share some of the things you find yourself telling your children below! If you enjoyed this post, you may want to check out how B has further attributed to my craziness with his temper tantrum’s here.

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